Sparkle Kids
by GhostfaceScylla
Summary: Chapter 2: "Thou Shalt Not Kiss-Rape Thy Secret Love." It's an easy commandment to remember...so why on EARTH can I not manage to FOLLOW it! Wait, better question: why isn't he resisting?... SASUSAKU.
1. It starts with a spark

Hey buddies! I'm back-and with a new Naruto fanfic (yayyyy). Queue up the AC/DC and let's get this going.

Title: Sparkle Kids

Pairings: SASUSAKU. Other pairings which will be touched on are Naruhina, Shikaino, and Nejiten, but this _is_ a Sasusaku fic so don't expect so much screentime outta them.

Rating: Mostly for language.

Genre: Romance/humor

Read and Review for Chapter 2!

* * *

Ooh-WEE-Ooh I look just like BUDDY HOLLY

Oh-OH and you're MARY TYLER MOORE

I don't CARE WHAT THEY SAY about us anyway

I don't care 'BOUT THAT.

* S * P * A * R * K * L * E * K * I * D * S *

* * *

INO THE BEAUTIFUL'S RULES FOR AN OH-SO FAB AND DRAMA FREE JUNIOR YEAR:

#1

Never get your hopes up when it comes to that socially retarded, ice cubed (Perfect!) IDIOT JERK, Uchiha Sasuke.

No, seriously….Don't.

Really.

Are you even LISTENING to me, Forehead?

* S * P * K *

Have you ever noticed how sexy people just seem to sparkle?

Hey, don't look at me like I'm some kind of closet perv. If you've ever watched a Lady Gaga video you know _exactly_ what I mean. Or, come to think of it, looked at any photograph of Angelina Jolie EVER. Or, if you're still not with me, how about Pride and Prejudice? _Yes_, the BOOK. It's almost hard to look at the pages of that thing with all the sparkles Mr. Darcy keeps throwing off everywhere. See, that's the thing about sparkle; there's about a thousand different types of ways to be sexy and glitter away, but if you don't got it, you don't _got it_, and c'est la vie. Hope you like living out the rest of your life as one of the dull members of the uncategorized, teeming, boner-killing plebeians.

Oh the shame.

I, myself, am kind of a sparkle sommelier. If you want to know anything, and I mean ANYTHING about each type of sparkle and where to find it here at Konoha Preparatory Academy, I'm your girl. What? You're looking at me like I've sprouted caterpillar brows or something. Wait-what do you mean you don't know what I'm talking about when I say "type"? Are you living under some kind of _sex-deprived rock_? Okay, I'll debrief you, but take notes, because I'm only doing this once….

Direct your attention to Exhibit A, Ino Yamanaka,….who, on top of being KPA's own Hilton Heiress, also has the dubious honor of being my best friend. Here she is now, coming down the hallway, a tanned goddess among shriveled, pale halflings (a.k.a. me….). Lets take inventory, shall we?

1) Long, blonde, swishy, shiny, bouncy hair? Check.

2) Killer strut in stilettos that are totally out of dress code? Check.

3)Uniform scrunched, unbuttoned and pinned to show off the new boobies that were daddy's present for her 17th birthday? Oh, SO check,

4) Rufus, the yippy pom-toy poodle mix perched neatly in this season's latest Hermes bag. _Yip!_ Check_…_

5) A flurry of equally well-dressed, shaggy-haired look-alike boy candy bobbing with her every step? _Ino, baby, do you want to take a ride in my new maserati? I thought you wrapped it around a tree. No, my NEW maserati!_ Check.

She's at her locker now, one perfectly manicured hand fiddling with the swarovski lock when someone walks down the hallway with an egg sandwich and Rufus starts his yipipiping, struggling to get out of her purse. She laughs, like bells, tosses her hair over one shoulder, "Sit down, sweetie!" Four of the boys sit on the hallway floor, I. Kid. You. Not.

Now, Ino's sparkle falls into the category of Hollywood, pink cadillacs, and Marylin Monroe, or as I like to call it, the **Malibu Barbie Type**-bzzzzzzz-**IMMA GET YOUR HEART RACING IN MY SKINTIGHT JEANS BE MY TEENAGE DREAM TON-**oh, jeez, sorry, we're being interrupted by Katy Perry. Hold on a sec.

Well, speak of the pig herself-

* S * P * K *

7:45 AM

Incoming Text Message From: widdle piggy

Subject: thar she blows-10:00, eastern starboard

watch outtttt, billboard head. SCUMBAG HO SLUT CHIK 2 ur left. trip her 4me n I won't mke u return my silver louboutins that u STOLE 4rm my closet and have THE NERVE TO WEAR IN FRONT OF ME! O_O

7:46 AM

Incoming Text Message From: FOREHEAD

Subject: Are we still doing this Moby Dick joke thing?

Is that what these shoes are? I like….I like. Also, I'm not tripping karin-betch. She's scarier than _you_. What have you done to her this time, anyway?

* S * P * K *

Despite the fact that Ino is annoying as hell this early in the morning, she does provide a good segway. As Piggy suggests, look to your left and you'll see Ino-cchi's greatest rival sporting a whole other type of sparkle. I present you with Exhibit B, Karin. You know the drill, inventory time.

1) Perfectly styled, messy yet smooth, deep sophisticated burgundy hair? Check.

2) Clipped, intimidating business walk in crocodile pumps? _taptaptap_. Check.

3) Uniform skirt rolled and pinned just so to show those mile long ivory legs? Check.

4) Hot librarian glasses resting on a perfect aquiline nose, below bored eyes? _how dulllllll._ Check.

5) A cavalcade of seemingly similar sophisticated boys in sweater vests? _Paris is so pass__é__ this time of year, but my grandfather demands that I tour there yet again. I do hope you'll join us, Karin, dear. _Check.

She's reaching for the patent leather lock on her locker now, when she drops the 1840's reprint of Dr. Faustus she's been lugging around for the past few days and THWUUMP there's suddenly a dogpile of desperate sweater vested boys, wool and hair flying as they scrabble to be the one to return the book to her outstretched, elegant hand. Do NOT let that ladylike act fool you, dear. That girl has got a _wicked_ split personality, reptiles at home, and a gun probably strapped somewhere on her person. That's right, Karin's sparkle has always had that slightly dangerous, Lara Croft-ish, thing going for it, or, as I have classified her, the quintessential **Bond Girl Type.**

Which is, of course, the polar opposite of my valley girl best friend over here….

Book back in hand, Karin turns to look up the hall, and positions her gaze on Ino in what I can only accurately describe as a _glower._ Ino stiffens, then tromps to my side for….I dunno…..moral support?…and being the _brave_ and _courageous _girl that she is, ducks behind my shoulder. (can you SEE my sarcasm, here?)

Great. I couldn't even make it to first period without getting caught in the middle of a glowerfuck.

The hallway resonates with crickets as the students hold their collective breaths to see whether Bond Girl or Malibu Barbie is going to make the first move. Then, some incredible gentleman at the back of the crowd yells, "CAT FIGHT! WOOHOO!" and it's all I can do to not glower _myself_. Karin raises a perfectly manicured eyebrow, now obviously bored at the predictability of this situation. She flashes one last, "this isn't over yet" look at Ino, and by extension, me, turns on her heel, and stalks off.

I gasp because I just realize I've been holding my breath this entire time. "Ino! She's more unhinged than usual! What have you done to her now?"

A pause. Then, "remember that guy I was dancing with from Suna on Friday night?" Ino breathes next to me.

I recall the disco lights and the pounding Saturday morning headache. Vague memories of Ino stumbling out of the house party with some spiky haired dude rise to the surface. "Sort…of."

"Turns out that was Karin's boyfriend. Er…..ex." Ino licks her lips, a little shamelessly (I think).

"Ino-pig!"

"He plays guitar, Sakura. _Guitar_, ok? He played me WEEZER_._ What was I supposed to do?"

"Keep it in your pants?"

Now, as I lecture Ino-hoe on the virtues of propriety and decency (not to mention respect for the sacred "taken" status of boys with girlfriends, because that is just _rude_), you may ask yourself where I fit in between these two titans of Type 1 and 2. Is your heroine a barbie-betch in her own right? Or perhaps a totally dramatic ninja lady in disguise? I'm probably both. Right? Totally. I, Haruno Sakura, am both.

…you don't know me very well, do you?

Come on. I'm probably as far as you can get from the sparkly set. I, dear reader, have _anti_ sex appeal. I am the ultimate walking cockblock, cursed with the unfortunate burden of being **cute**. CUTE! You know what's cute? Teddy bears, children with balloons, fuzzy wuzzy sheep, and oversize overalls on babies. Pop quiz time:

How many of the above named things are sexy?

a) 1

b) 2

c) 3

d) NONE you crazy pedobear.

By the way, unless you picked (d), we can't be friends.

And why would I want to be sexy, you persist? I mean, some guys are into cute, right?

Yeah. Some.

But "some" guys can buy a one way ticket to the moon for all I care…I have always ever cared about just _one_ guy…or…The One, rather…..This moody, silent, kind of grumpy, yet oh so totally _perfect_ boy who I've been in love with ever since I was 4 and he held my hand in winter because I forgot my gloves. This guy…..this guy is the kind of guy that makes your heart believe in carriages made out of pumpkins and kisses that can turn frogs into princes and magic flying carpets and, and, and-

Ok. I'm hyperventilating.

Honestly, now. Do you really expect **the** Uchiha Sasuke to want a _cute_ girlfriend? Now, I've never asked him what his type is, but come onnnnn, it's so obvious that he's going to want to end up with some kind of towering Brazilian model. That's the kind of girl that would look perfect on his arm, anyway. Anyone else would look like a housecat next to a panther.

But, hey, that doesn't stop a girl from dreaming, does it? And when I dream, I dream that I could be Sasuke-kun's type of girl for even _five minutes_ so that I might look into his eyes just once and not see the words "you're annoying" written right past his lashes.

Back in reality, and not in my overactive imagination, I am still giving Ino the good old what-for.

"-because you don't know anything about him and I swear he practically looked high the other night and you just can't keep adopting these stray boys-"

She yawns. "Oh my GOD. Sakura. He wasn't a stray. I _stole _him, remember? Is the whole 'he plays guitar' thing not making an impact here?"

"But Ino"-bzzzzzz-**IMMA GET YOUR HEART RACING IN MY SKINTIGHT JEANS BE MY TEENAGE DREAM TON-**Ugh. Katy Perry interruption again. I hear Ino breath a sigh of relief and mumble something like "saved by the bell" before she trots on down the hallway without me.

* S * P * K *

7:55 AM

Incoming Text Message From: Prince Charming

Subject: (no subject)

Sakura,

Meet me at my car after your student council meeting.

I have something to ask you.

-S

* S * P * K *

Is my….I think my…..heart just stopped. The one, the very one and only, _my_ one and only Sasuke-kun has something he wants to ask me_._

I'm inwardly smiling like a loon because I'm considering the possibility in my secret heart of hearts that after all these years he's finally, _finally_ noticed me.

* * *

You know, in retrospect, we could have all saved ourselves a lot of trouble if I had just referred to Rule #1.

* * *

Woohoo! Well, that was fun to write ;) I already have a fully fleshed out plotline for this so if you read and review, I'll hook you up with chapter 2 ;)

Comments and critiques welcome...and please tell me if I need to up the rating or anything. It's been a while since I posted and the guidelines have changed a bit... OTL. thanks!

looooooooove

-Scylla


	2. The Introduction of the Sparkle King

A/N

Hey kids! After that quick introduction, here's the first real chapter of Sparkle Kids for your R+Ring pleasure. I hope you enjoy it. Also, thanks so much to my LOVELY WoNDERFUL FANTABULOUS REVIEWERS. You guys kindaprettymuch make my life.

looooooooooove Scylla

End A/N

* * *

INO THE BEAUTIFUL'S RULES FOR AN OH-SO FAB AND DRAMA FREE JUNIOR YEAR:

#2

Fall in love like you dance….…which, in your case, Forehead, is like a big, embarrassed, uncoordinated idiot….and fall right back out when the song ends.

What do you _mean_ you prefer unrequited, decade long, one-sided relationships?

* * *

You're a _falling star_,

you're the _getaway car,_

you're the line in the _sand_-when I go too _fa-a-r_-

"Oh come, now, little brother. What sap are you filling our penthouse with now?"

"You looking for a fight, Itachi?"

* S * P * A * R * K * L * E * K * I * D * S *

-You're the _swimming pool_, on an _August day,_ and you're the perfect thing to _sayyyyyy_.

* * *

8:10 AM

Incoming Text Message From: FOREHEAD

Subject: ASDFGJAL

Sasuke-kun wants to meet me his car because he has, "something he want[s] to ask you [A.K.A. ME)" after school. urk….BRAIN LITERALLY MELTING OUT OF EARRRR-!

* * *

8:11 AM

Incoming Text Message From: widdle piggy

Subject: ?

aaaaaaaaaand? don't you have like 4 classes 2gether? plus, u + him + narutard are attached at the hip. y r u freaking out?

* * *

8:12 AM

Incoming Text Message From: FOREHEAD

Subject: Re: ?

HE HAS SOMETHING HE WANTS TO ASK ME FACE-TO-FACE. SOMETHING TOO IMPORTANT TO ASK IN A TEXT. that means it's not student council crap or makeup notes, but something…_else_. come ON, piggy! you know this is _different. _It must be something PERSONAL. (OMFG).

* * *

8:15 AM

Incoming Text Message From: FOREHEAD

Subject: Hello?

umm? As my BFFL it is now your job to freak out and speculate over where we shall go for our honeymoon.

* * *

8:19 AM

Incoming Text Message From: FOREHEAD

Subject: DX

INO-BITCH! What is your problem?

* * *

8:20AM

Incoming Text Message From: widdle piggy

Subject: don't birth a farm animal, here, forehead.

BITCH UR FACE. srsly. u almost got my phone taken away by masked pervert-sensei w/ all your spaz texts. thxxxx.

* * *

8:20 AM

Incoming Text Message From: FOREHEAD

Subject: MOOOOOOOOOOOOO

what the frack. why are you avoiding talking about my date with Prince Charming later?

* * *

8:22 AM

Incoming Text Message From: widdle piggy

Subject: MOO-DY.

honestly? b/c i'm trying to distract you so you won't get your hopes up + then he asks u to babysit his cat, AGAIN, + then ur all crushed/mopey-mopey-pants. that guy is a walking disaaaaaaster (w/ a cute ass, i admit) and u fall for it every damn time.

* * *

8:25 AM

Incoming Text Message From: widdle piggy

Subject: awwwww bb...

r u pouting now b/c u know im right?

Y OH Y won't you let me hook you up w/ a hot guy from Suna? you'd get over ice-cube in like 6 secs.

* * *

8:23 AM

Incoming Text Message From: FOREHEAD

Subject: O

NO. I'm pouting because I take umbrage at your characterization, madame! Fall for it? I'm not as obsessed with him as I used to be, ergo, I shall _not_ fall.

Also, Suna guys are just so…..so…I dunno…._not_ ice-cube-ish. Plus, you've dated like _all _of them already in your quest to get over SlackerBoi.

* * *

8:23 AM

Incoming Text Message From: widdle piggy

Subject: LIES

LIAR LIER PANT$ ON FIRE. YOU CALLED IT A DATE. NOT ONLY HAVE YOU FALLEN, YOU'VE TAKEN A FLYING LEAP INTO THE CRAZY END OF THE STALKER POOL.

P.S. shut your face about Shikamaru.

* * *

Le sigh. She has a point. I was already getting so ahead of myself that I was actually thinking that waiting around in the parking lot for Sasuke-kun to show up qualified as a date...

"Sakura-channnnn, you've been staring at your phone all class….lemme look!"

YOINK.

"ACK! NARUTO THIEF! Give. It. Back."

He sticks out his tongue like the 12-year-old he will always be. "Make me."

"SHANNARO!"

"Yes, Sakura! Now you are showing him the spirit of YOUTH that Othello showed Desdemona! Students! Follow Sakura's example and CONNECT WITH LITERATURE THROUGH THE SPRINGTIME OF YOUTH!"

Ok, whoever made Gai-sensei the Junior Lit teacher of APK has clearly never taken an English class…ever. But now that he's got his entire class pinning each other in reverse chokeholds, he leaves me with the luxury of time to formally introduce you to this knucklehead that is currently trying to push my elbow out of his throat. Let's take stock of Exhibit C, shall we?

1) Goofy, charming, bright, ultraviolet smile that could disarm an angry shark (Kisame-senpai excluded, of course)? Check.

2) One hand raked through neon yellow hair in a sheepish, playful manner? Check.

3) Total Jesus complex-thinks that everything can be solved with a good punch and hugfest? _Don't give up just because you've been dead for 50 years! _Check.

4)Ridiculous amount of pride in his own future and potential? _I'm gonna be Prime Minister!_ _But you're an imbecile, dobe. STILL! I'LL MAKE IT DATTEBAYO! _Check.

5) Ringed by a giggling mess of blonde girls in loose tube socks and pigtails fawning over his every move? _Naruto-kun, it was so brilliant when you hid spiders in that weird Sakura girl's desk because..….she doesn't like spiders? Umm, right! Great joke! _Check.

Yes, ladies, meet the ultimate **Class Clown Type**, Naruto Uzumaki.

Now, don't misinterpret me here. A casual observer could see that Naruto is the #2 most sparkly guy in APK's Junior class even if the observer was blind and Naruto was in a closet, under a blanket. Just because I happen to agree does _not_ make me crushing on Naruto-look no further than my current attempt to destroy his windpipe for confirmation. And, despite Sasuke-kun's perennial characterization of the kid as a "dobe", he's actually the most charismatic member of the student body, winning his way to Junior Class President based solely on a campaign of Ramen and Birthday Cake in the cafeteria every day (to which, when he won, he promptly appointed his two besties, me and Sasuke-kun, as his secretary and vice president and became the most M.I.A. president in the history of AKP…. conveniently leaving me and Sasuke-kun with the mess of how to logistically _accomplish_ the single plank of his platform. Solution: the Uchiha family is currently fronting the cash for Naruto's odd food fetishes….. probably out of Sasuke-kun's never-ending pocket money).

Yes, Sasuke-kun and I have been stuck with Naruto for almost as long as I can remember…..for whatever reason, fate decided to stick us in the same classes all the way through our educational careers….This has led Naruto and Sasuke-kun to develop some kind of a strange brotherly relationship ("we're rivals!" they'd probably scream….but I know better). At some point or other, they adopted me as their odd younger sister who needed their protection from all manner of evil that flits across the life of a teenage girl…which has directly translated into Naruto insulating me from every unkind word said against me by any jealous female peer, and Sasuke-kun beating the crap out of any male peer who so much as intimates that he may have a teensyeensyweensy crush on me.

Which has, in turn, directly translated into absitively ZERO love life and a marginal friend set for poor, poor Sakura Haruno.

At least with Naruto, our relationship is mutually platonic and comfortable (….contrast with Sasuke-kun, who I've been in love with since the second grade, and who still sees me as if I'm 10 and incapable of liking a boy, let alone **him….**). Well, comfortable 50% of the time. The other 50%, although I kindasortalovethekid, he's usually being a stupid git. Which brings me back to my current predicament. "Gimmie back my phone, or I'll tell all of Sasuke-kun's fangirls who _really_ stole his first kiss."

"You _wouldn't." _He hisses, doing a damn good impression of Orochimaru-Sensei in the process. I raise one eyebrow, hoping I'm giving off my best "try me" pose. A pause.

I turn to a group of Sasuke-kun's fangirls strategically sitting behind us and glaring daggers at me for having the nerve to touch their darling Sasuke-kun's best friend. "Hey, Ami, Yuka, did I ever tell you about the time in 5th grade when-"

He practically chucks the thing at me. "OK! Jeez! What are you trying to do, get me killed?"

I huff, phone back in hand, and am just about to shoot back an angry text message to Ino-pig about how I have definitely _not_ fallen into the deep end of the crazy pool when I can't help but notice that Naruto is still turned around in his desk and staring at me. "What, Naru-chaaaaaan?"

He's the one to strategically pause this time. Then, with a wave of his hand, "You and Ino-chan are funny… All this fuss over what Sasuke-teme wants to see you about and you didn't even think to ask me…"

"Urk." Prime example of why I shouldn't be so hard on Naruto.

He winks, then spins around in his seat and acts as if he's paying attention to Gai-sensei's bizarre attempt at a proper literature lecture.

"Eager students! Turn to page 68 of your textbooks and witness the EXPLOSION OF YOUTH that a storm visits upon the Turkish fleet. We shall call the description of this EXPLOSION OF YOUTH an extended metaphor…OF YOUTH!"

I poke Naruto in the back of the ear. He turns around, hissing. "_What_, Sakura-chan? I'm trying to learn here!"

He gets an eye roll for that one.

Although, I must look pretty bent out of shape because he's looking at me with something like pity as I fidget in my desk like a little kid doing the pee-pee dance, but I don't have to pee, I'm just _incredibly nervous,_ and did I mention it's only 8:34 AM?

"Breathe, Sakura!" He pats me on the head. "You're hyperbolating again."

I try to calm my internal spaz, because I'm too worked up to even explain to him the difference between "hyperbole" and "hyperventilate." Plus, if _Naruto_ tells you (or rather, attempts to tell you) you're hyperventilating, then you are totally losing it. Deep, slow breaths. "You." Breath. Read." Breath. "The." Breath. "Texts?" He nods.

"DoyouthinkI'mgettingmyhopesuptoomuch,too? Imean-"

"Whoa! Mouth-Close." I do as I'm told. But only for about three seconds (which is really my limit when it comes to silence), although I manage to slow down this time.

"It's just that last time Sasuke-kun asked to talk to me after school, I thought he was going to ask me to homecoming and-"

"-and he asked you to babysit Mr. Mistoffelees." Naruto nods, remembering. Mr. Mistoffelees, for your information, is a very temperamental, extremely irritable and ancient black cat that haunts the Uchiha penthouse and likes to attack pink-haired visitors that are simply trying to feed his mangy ass.

I visibly cringe at the memory of how my face must've fallen when I realized the question that was about to come out of Sasuke-kun's mouth. "Yeah…." That week, Ino had been out of town, so me and my smeary-mascara-panda-face ended up on Naruto's stoop. And he, being the best guy friend a girl could ask for (hey, he's an exceptional listener…..his mom is the most famous daytime talk show host in the country, after all), fed me ice cream, patted my head, and agreed with me whole-heartedly when I told him that Sasuke-kun was an oblivious, stupid prick.

"So….Can you just save me the torture and tell me what Sasuke-kun wants to talk to me about so I can use my lunch to buy catnip and other bribes for that devil animal?"

He flashes that dazzling smile of his and puts both hands behind his head. I think, for a second, that he's going to be my favorite person in the history of the world. "Nope!"

Ughhhhh…..

"Come _ON_, Naruto! Why not? I wouldn't ask if it wasn't very, _incredibly_ important to me!"

"Ahahahaha! Sakura-chan, _everything_ teme does is very, _incredibly_ important to you! If we measured it that way, I'd have to give you email updates five times a day on the baka."

Hmm….not a bad idea.

I think he sees my thoughts written on my face because he can't help but laugh and ruffle my hair, which makes Naruto's fangirls on the other side of the classroom suck air through their teeth in jealousy. I attempt my best snarl back at the oblivious neon-haired wierdo, but we all know snarls don't really work coming from pink-haired people.

"I'd like to tell you, but I don't get between friends. It's just my way." He puffs up his chest, acting too solemnly for his own ridiculous appearance. "Jeez, why can't you two just talk to _each other _instead of wearing me out all the time?"

Says the boy who freezes at the very mention of his crush's name. But that's a story for another day…..

He continues. "Anyways, Teme swore me to secrecy and he can be a scary little bitch when he's mad…"

My ears perk up, "He _SWORE YOU TO SECRECY? _So…wait…..this isn't the usual talk about his cat, is it?" I elbow him in the arm, scraping for any piece of information I can get my hands on. He cringes.

"Saaaaakura-chan, I've said too much already."

"Oh, Ami, Yuka, about that time in the 5th grade, see, we were all in Iruka-sensei's geography class when-"

"OK, OK! It's not about the cat!"

* * *

The rest of Gai-Sensei's class drags on in what seems like a never-ending chain of INSERT APPROPRIATE METAPHOR OF YOUTH's all strung together. Asuma-Sensei's history class is hardly any better in content (although certainly less YOUTHful) and far worse in company, as I am forced to stare at Karin-bitch practically all class on account of the fact that she and her fat head sit directly in front of me. So, by the time lunch finally arrives, I am ready to do two and _only two _things:

1) stuff my face with french fries dipped in ranch dressing (because stressing out makes me make poor food choices, OK?)

2) find dearest Piggy-chan and rub it in her face that Sasuke-kun most definitely does not want to talk to me about his mangy cat and therefore probably wants to ask me to marry him and move to Tahiti.

And NO, for the last time, I am NOT getting my hopes up too much. Even Naruto says so! (Ok….so he didn't exactly say _that_, but I'm extrapolating here because he was _sworn to secrecy_. SQUEE!)

The only problem is that Shikamaru, Chouji, and Ino are missing from our usual sparkly table in the cafeteria. I look for them in the library (an unlikely pick), the conservatory, and the greenhouse, but to no avail. Which only leaves one more place to check…

The Roof.

"Hee…ugh….Urk…." Note to self-If you are planning to scale five flights of stairs in Christian Louboutin heels, do not scarf down an entire serving of fries and ranch dressing immediately prior to your ascent. You _will _feel like puking.

I'm at flight 4 and that Naruto-git is bouncing about me like an overactive golden retriever puppy, "COME ON, Sakura! At this rate we'll need to camp on the way!"

"You try walking in these…torture devices!" I shake my foot at him.

"If they're so terrible, why do you and Ino-chan wear them like…..every day?"

"Because they make our rears look _amazing_, young padawan."

"But Hinata-chan's…re…..ahem..." He pauses, blushing so hard I think he's going to fry his own brain, here. "Well…she always looks….really good…..and she always wears flats." He finishes with a rush.

I raise a pink eyebrow in derision. "Are you seriously stalking her to the point where you are cataloguing her footwear choices? That is just _pathetic_."

"No, what's _pathetic_ is your daily freakout over teme's hair, or eyes, or ass." I turn bright red. "Ugh. Teme's ass. Gross, Sakura-chan."

"It's not pathetic, it's LOVE, and you would know that if you didn't have the emotional maturity of a tadpole!"

"How are you ANY DIFFERENT, DATTEBAYO?"

"Why YOU-"

bzzzzzzz-**IMMA GET YOUR HEART RACING IN MY SKINTIGHT JEANS BE MY TEENAGE DREAM TONIG-**

"You should send Katy Perry a thank you note, Naruto." He giggles at my dramatics as I fish in my bag for my phone.

* * *

12: 06 PM

From: Prince Charming

Subject: (no subject)

Hn. No reply.

* * *

"Saaaaaakura-chaaaannnnn, who's the text from?" He's trying to peer around my shoulder and succeeding, but I'm not putting up much of a fight because Sasuke-kun has now texted me twice, TWICE, in the space of 6 hours, and not about student council business (I think?), which is a record for us and clearly means he's in love with me. Side note: who types out Hn? How adorable is that? I want to glomp him through the phone, but I'll play it super cool…

* * *

12:07 PM

From: Her

Subject: oops!

Oh, sorry! I take it you'll be missing the student council meeting, then?

* * *

12:09 PM

From: Prince Charming

Subject: Re: oops!

Yes.

* * *

12:10 PM

From: her

Subject: Oh my

Prez will be so excited. He'll finally get a chance to lead a meeting ;)

* * *

Ok…..so maybe I'm not playing this as coolly as I'd like. My hand just twitched, I swear, and before I knew what I was doing, I was sending _a winky face,_ of all things, to Sasuke-kun. He doesn't have time for emoticons! I wouldn't be surprised if he deleted my contact number right now-

* * *

12:15 PM

From: Prince Charming

Subject: ;)? Weird.

NO. Do not let the dobe lead the meeting. He will promise something ridiculous again and you and I will have to fix it. You lead it.

* * *

12:15 PM

From: Her

Subject: I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL SIR!

HEY! NARUTO UZUMAKI IS THE BEST PRESIDENT EVER. HE IS SUPER FLY AND SUPER SMART AND AN EXCELLENT DANCER, DATTEBAYO!

* * *

12:16 PM

From: Prince Charming

Subject: Re: I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL SIR!

Huh?

* * *

12:16 PM

From: Prince Charming

Subject: Oh.

Why? you'll just lose, deadlast.

Return the phone.

Now.

* * *

"NARUTO YOU IDIOT, GIMMIE!"

"BUT SAKURA-CHAN, A MAN MUST PROTECT HIS HONOR!"

"DO IT ON YOUR OWN PHONE, THEN!"

* * *

12:18 PM

From: Her

Subject: Ugh.

Sorry. So yeah. I'll run the meeting. See you afterwards.

Also: I'm bringing Ino since she's driving me home.

* * *

12:19 PM

From: Prince Charming

Subject: Re: Ugh.

Don't bring Yamanaka.

* * *

12:20 PM

From: Her

Subject: Re: Ugh.

Umm…..it's kind of far to walk…...

* * *

12:25 PM

From: Prince Charming

Subject: Re: Ugh.

…you need to get a car.

_Don't _bring Yamanaka. I'll drive you home.

* * *

12:25 PM

From: Her

Subject: OMFG

DON'T DO ANYTHING TO SAKURA-CHAN IN YOUR CAR, TEME! I WILL KNOW!

* * *

"NARUTO WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"TEME IS GOING TO TRY TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU, SAKURA-CHAN! SEXUALLY!"

"AND YOU'RE TRYING TO STOP HIM?"

* * *

12:30 PM

From: Prince Charming

Subject: the hell….

This is annoying. Ditch the dobe and call me.

* * *

"Saaaaaaakura-chan, what'd he say?" Naruto is bounding about me, trying to see the latest texts from 'teme' while I hoist my phone barely out of his reach. Yeah. I'll just ditch the dobe. Noooooooo problem.

Have you forgotten, my lovely future husband Sasuke-kun, that on the days that you don't grace our school with your presence, this kid sticks to me _like glue_?

Ugh. My feet send an aching pain up my leg to my brain, confirming what a bad idea it would be for me to attempt to outrun Naruto wearing these damn shoes.

…..Of course, he's a fast little mofo, but I'm a heck of a lot smarter….

"Sak-HEY! WHERE'RE YOU GOING?"

Naruto gives chase. My feet screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeam in protest.

* * *

Yui Yamanaka (no relation to the famous and fabulous Ino "the beautiful" Yamanaka) was attempting to stifle a yawn. All of her 20-something friends who worked in bookstores and kindergartens and coffee shops were practically green with envy every time the conversation turned to bosses and she happened to let slip the fact that hers was none other than THE Sasuke Uchiha…but how many of them would be truly envious if they had to do what she did for just _one_ day? It's not like that dreamy Sasuke Uchiha-sama even knew her name…..

For she was Uchiha Sasuke-sama's personal "phone girl"…..

…..Which is a position whose principle duties consist of standing next to Uchiha-sama whenever he goes on official business for UchihaCorp, holding his phone, and keeping your mouth shut until the darn thing rings or vibrates, at which point, you say, "your cellular, Uchiha-Sama" while handing it to him with a flourish, because, how embarrassing would it be for Uchiha-sama to actually have to search in his pockets for something? That would be…so unseemely.

The thing is, being the younger Uchiha-sama's phone girl wasn't all it was cracked up to be. He wasn't much of a chatterbox-unlike Uchiha Itachi-sama who got at least 20 calls a day, or so his phone girl bragged every time she got the chance (what? do you expect any of the Uchiha men to share phone girls? As if.). Uchiha Sasuke-sama had only received a total of 6 calls during Yui's entire one-year tenure. Each one had been predictable, boring, and didn't shed an ounce of light onto his personality. The "incoming call" name had always flashed as one of the other members of the Uchiha clan, and the ringtone had always been that short business riiiiiiiiiiing.

The morning had already been a bit more interesting than any in recent memory, when she had learned that Uchiha Sasuke-sama not only knew how to text, but was much faster at it than she expected him to be. She guessed he had been busy getting clearance from his father to negotiate the interest rates on UchihaCorp's latest overseas contract or something. But now, the texting was over and the slim phone (custom designed by the technology department over at UchihaCorp headquarters…not for retail) was back in her hands where, she figured, it would remain for the rest of the day, silent as a stone.

She was so boreddddd…and spacing out at how pretty her boss looked in that pinstripe suit.

So she almost dropped that blasted mobile in surprise when the most unexpected noises started emanating from the speakers as "Incoming call From: Her" flashed across the display.

Was that ringtone really…it was! That incredibly sappy pop song from a few years back-by Michael Boob-Boob-something….

Bzzzzzzzz-**And in this craaaaazy Life, and through these craaaaazy times, it's you it's you, you make me sing, you're every line, you're every word, you're everythiiiiiiiiing**-bzzzzzzzz

The advisors surrounding Uchiha the Younger coughed in embarrassment. Sasuke Uchiha-sama reached over and practically swatted the phone out of her hand.

* * *

Rings once.

Twice

Three times.

Come _on_. If you don't pick up, after all _this_-

"Hello." The background is muffled. It sounds like about 12 people all coughing at once. Then, silence. Then, a chorus of renewed voices. One person in the background, obviously exasperated, shouts, "Uchiha-Sama! this is no time to be answering the phone!"

"Hel-lo?-" His voice is more insistent now. The chattel of voices rise in their insistence as well. "Uchiha-sama! Please sign here!" "Uchiha-Sama! this is urgent!"

I try to shift so that the one remaining high heel I'm still wearing is no longer submerged in the mop bucket. Ino is gonna kill me…."Umm….is this a bad time?"

"No." He immediately responds. "Hold on." There's another muffle coming across the receiver as he covers the phone, probably against his chest. I blush at the thought. I-Haruno Sakura-am pressed against "Uchiha-sama"'s chest! Well…my voice is, anyways…..sort of…..

A gaggle of voices continue to badger Sasuke-kun from the other side of the line. I hear something about interest and tariffs, and then that familiar icy tone. "I. Am. On. The. Phone." The voices hush immediately and I almost feel sorry for them, knowing as I do the exact look that he gave to achieve that result all too well…."Back." he says, and now I can only hear rustles and the tapping of his feet across a tile floor. It's clipped. He's got his business walk on.

"Where _are _you?" I whisper. I probably shouldn't ask. He'll probably tell me it's none of my business, but I'm just so darned curious as to why he isn't in school today and what's going on around him in his fascinating 007 secret spy life.

"The capitol."

"As in….._our nation's capitol?_ Or that little restaurant down on 5th street?"

I imagine he dismisses my question with a waive of his hand. "Where are _you_? Why are you whispering?" and then, in an afterthought that makes my stomach flip, "are you safe?"

"For the moment."

"What's that supposed to mean?" His words come out in a rush as someone in the background shouts "Uchiha-sama, plese don't stop walking! We're on a schedule!" I _know_, I _know_, I shouldn't have sent his protective side into overdrive on purpose, but I can't help it…even if he only thinks of me as a friend, when he gets all flustered over me, it makes my heart simply _stop_.

I pause for _effectus dramaticus. _"_Hypothetically_, in the course of my mad dash to escape Naruto, _if _I kicked one of my shoes off right into Kabuto-Sensei's face, accidentally of course, and _if _his glasses broke, and _if _the teachers _may_ currently be looking for me, and _if _I may be hiding from them in the 3rd floor janitor's closet. Hypothetically….._if that happened_…..how much detention do you think that Tsunade-shishou would give me?"

He lets out a long sigh and I hear his feet patpatpat across the tile again. "Jeez. You're annoying."

"You have a lot of nerve telling that to a girl with her foot in a mop bucket!" I whisper-yell back, only half joking because, seriously, Piggy-chan is gonna murder me over what I've done to these shoes.

"Hn."

And as conversations always inevitably do with Sasuke-kun, this one sputters and dies.

"Sooooooo…." I attempt a conversation resuscitation, "I was thinking. I don't want to trouble you. I can just walk to the station and catch the train home-"

"-Don't be ridiculous." He cuts me off.

"Oh. Well. Ok."

"Hn."

Ugh. Sometimes talking on the phone with Sasuke-kun is like talking to a sullen log.

"Um…..Well…..then….."

There's a long pause. I think for a moment that he's hung up on me without saying goodbye, which wouldn't surprise me in the least. Then, the mute speaks. "So. You'll come. Alone?"

"Yeah, of course!" I kick myself for answering so eagerly and raising my voice _wayyyyy_ above a whisper. I sound like some desperate stalker chick that's just jumped at the chance to wait in a parking lot like it was tickets to a Lady Gaga concert. Oh wait. Bingo. "Eh-hem…." I clear my voice to attempt to detract from my craziness. "See you then. Umm…bye."

"Wait, Sakura."

My breath hitches. Oh, I'll _never _get over the way my name falls from his lips. "Y-yes?"

"Don't forget your umbrella in your locker. Again. It's supposed to rain and I may be running late."

I was going to say "got it!", probably too eagerly again, but I hear a click and the line goes dead.

* * *

I was fully and absolutely prepared to hide in that smelly janitor's closet all afternoon (because I can notnotnotnotnot have detention today, of all days), but almost as soon as I shoved my cellphone back in my blazer pocket, there's the sound of sholder-hitting-door, lock-springing-open, and I'm confronted with a head of blonde hair whiplashing across my face.

Please let that be Naruto. Or, by some strange twist of fate, Temari. Pain-sensei perhaps? Heck, I'd even take _Ino_, yelling about her Loubitons, as long as it's not-

"Running in the halls! Assault of a professor! Hiding from authority! Breaking into a custodial closet! Not to mention a dress code violation!"

Damn. BUSTED.

Tsunade-Shichou, head chief of the country's top hospital _and_ headmistress of KAP….not to mention my internship mentor…. (queen multitasked that she is) is now leaning against the doorframe of the janitor's closet, waving my missing shoe vaguely in my general direction. "Tell me why, Sakura, I shouldn't make you clean the slug cage every day for the rest of your adolescent life."

"Because you lost your shoes to Jiraiya-Sensei last week in that illegal dice game, so technically I'm just following in your…bare…footsteps?"

She scowls. "Not. Even. Close. To. A. Good. Reason."

"Because you don't like Kabuto-sensei that much, either, so who really cares?"

I may have imagined it, but I think she half smiled at that one. The next second, though, she's got her headmistress hat on and she's dragging me out of the closet by my blazer collar.

"Tsu-whoa! Headmistress Tsunade-shishou, it was _barely_ even my fault! Kabuto-sensei was totally in the middle of the gymnasium balcony, and technically-Jeez! you_ really_ don't have to pull that hard-I _was _in a gym so running is practically mandatory and Tsunade-shishou I cannotnotnotnot have detention today!"

She stops, mid-hallway, right in front of my 4th hour classroom, and I almost careen into her back. "Detention? Who said anything about Detention? It doesn't seem to effect you _three_ anyway."

"Huh? Really? Thanks Tsunade-Shishou!"

"Yeah, no problem!" And the way she says it, all cheery-like and overly excited, makes my stomach lurch in dread. "So, go back to class, Sakura-chan!" She swings the door open to Kakashi-sensei's calc class.

"Chan"? This _can't _be good. "Uh…ok." I try to walk through, but her hand shoots out in front of me.

"But _first…_Kakashi tells me that you tend to _text_ in class." I shoot a death glare at Kakashi-sensei, who's bemusedly watching the scene unfold at the edges of his classroom, one hand raised to the chalkboard. Then, the dread beast of two pigtails speaks words that fall from her lips like death knells. "Sakura. Phone."

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

"W-what, Tsunade-Shishou? Can't you just give me _detention?_"

Tired of listening to my sputtering, Shishou leans towards me and yoinks my BABY out of my pocket. "I'll be holding onto this until I've determined that you've learned the proper decorum my apprentice should exhibit!" She beams, and that expression is truly her scariest, as she glides down the hall, my little purple cellphone waving goodbye.

* * *

Yeah, anyway you slice it, detention would have been a _reprive_ compared to the current state of affairs. My pocket is no longer abuzz with gossip from my adoring friends (OK. really, it's just Ino….but her annoying life updates every 5 minutes _kind of_ make my world spin…just don't tell _her_ I said that), and without detention, I had no excuse to save me from service to my fellow members of the student body...

"Wait! Saukra-chan, I just have a teensy, teensy motion-"

"Meeting adjourned." I bang the gavel down, glaring at Naruto. He's been bounding about me all Student Council meeting, asking questions, interrupting people who have the floor, and practically knocking over all the constituents from the academic team delegation in the front row. Why is it that when Sasuke-kun leads these things, Naruto sits in the front row like a perfect little kid attending Sunday School, but when I lead them, he's the proverbial bull in the china closet?

He's following me out into the school foyer, now, his voice bounding off of the parquet floors and latticed glass windows.

"Heyyy, Sakuraaaaa-channnnnnn, why wouldn't you let me introduce my motion, huh?"

"BECAUSE. Do you know how crazy most of the things that come out of your mouth actually _sound_? I gather your motion was something about erecting a giant statue in your honor?"

He looks at me with dinner-plate eyes, like I'm a psychic or something, and then tries to cover it up by saying, "soooo wrong!". I can't help but laugh at him, bouncing at my side as we make our way to the Junior parking lot.

Out here in the October air, I pull my coat tighter around me as a gust of wind rushs through us, running through a bush off to our right where two of Naruto's fangirls are hiding and actively glaring at me. One whispers something like, 'whatta bad dye job', and Naruto tenses at my side, but I'm not really noticing them because my eyebrow is twitching in annoyance at that _thing_ in the parking space marked 'President Uzumaki'

"_Really,_ Naruto….why can't you drive a car like everyone else?" I mumble something like 'stupid rich kid' under my breath as he bounds to space 15, where a giant orange helicopter is totally encroaching upon space 14, marked Nara Shikamaru.

"Awww, Sakura-chan, if you're jealous, I can ask my dad to buy you one!" He gestures to space 2, sadly bereft of any mode of transportation (not even a bike….), where my name is emblazoned on a gold sign. Seriously, when you have a beamer, maserati, or…ahem….._helicopter_, then the award of an assigned parking space for being in the top 15 highest academic scores makes complete sense. But, when you're a broke scholarship student, it's just rubbing salt in the wound.

Naruto's fangirls, ever persistent in their stalking, whisper from the right, "see! I told you! She's so poor she doesn't even have a car!" "Naruto lets out a low growl and I roll my eyes. Yeah, so curse me for getting into this stuck-up school on my own merit….and who cares about cars anyway? Need I remind those pathetic Naruto fangirls that none of them have a date, set to start immediately, with **THE **Sasuke Uchiha-

-who's number 1 parking space is currently quite empty.

Well, that's fine. He said he may be late anyway.

"Sure you don't want me to wait with you, Sakura-chan?" He revs the engine, leaning out the cab door. I swear, if I ever find the idiot down at the central DMV that gave that kid a helicopter license…..

"Naruto, please believe me when I say that the _last _thing I want you to do is wait." I can just picture it: 'temetemeteme! get away from heeeerrrrrrrrrrr!'

He smiles, goofily. The bush to my right lets out two dreamy sighs. "Right, right, I got it. Stay dry!"

The great orange bird achieves lift-off, and I wave him off until he's a blip over the school clocktower.

Hey, wait. Stay dry? What's he talking abo-

BOOM. CRACK. shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Oh crap. Sasuke-kun's words about the weather echo in my head. How did I not notice those black stormclouds gathering on the horizon? The rain falls in cold, clammy sheets as I tear up the hill back towards the main building-gotta-make it-before-

DING DING DING DING DING!

I stop. The clocktower tones it's deathknell. It's 5:00. The doors of AKP, set on a timer, are now officially locked. Inside them, safe and _dry_ in my locker with the plastic hello kitty lock, right next to my Johnny Depp Mad Hatter poster, sits my umbrella.

Despite the face that I've only been out in this hellish rain for about 30 seconds, I can feel the trickles of water begin in between my coat and my skin. It's like the storm of the century out here. The rational part of my brain, accustomed to my creature comforts, is telling me to walk back around to the front entrance of the school and take shelter under the portico, but the part of me that is too totally smitten with this idea that Sasuke-kun might want to talk to me about something _important_ (read: ask me to be his girlfriend) screams NO. What if he doesn't come in the front entrance and misses me? It's not like I can _call_ him and tell him where I am, either (thxx, Shishou). Nononono. We are supposed to meet right here.

So I crowd under a little sapling tree that's been recently planted on the hill right above the Junior parking lot, and wait.

It can't be _that_ much longer, right?

* * *

The Uchiha men are never impatient. To be impatient requires that one is looking forward to something, would rather be somewhere else, or a whole host of other raging emotions that the Uchiha simply do not possess (on principal). The only emotional state that the Uchihas ever let cross their faces is epic coooooooooool. If the Uchiha men did not insist on living in fabulous mansions and penthouses scattered across the most glorious cities in the world, they would most likely live under rocks and grow scales.

So why it it, Yui Yamanaka wonders, that this youngest Uchiha is rapidly tapping his foot back and forth in what demands to be described as a fidget?

Hiashi Hyuuga, the Minister of Finance, is in the middle of a question directed to Sasuke Uchiha-sama about foreign trade implications and the new UchihaCorp defense contract when the Capitol bells toll the 6 o'clock chime. Uchiha-sama stands up, holds up his hand, and actually cuts off the Minister of Finance mid-sentence.

"That's it. I'm done."

And before any of Uchiha-Sama's advisors have time to commit ritual suicide on the senate floor for young master's disrespect, Sasuke Uchiha-sama is out the door, out in the biting rain, out in the parking lot, out in his car and gonegonegone. No one moves a finger to stop him.

But, honestly, who would try?

* * *

This officially sucks.

The ancient clocktower above the library is now ponding out it's half hour chime, which sounds sweet in the clean morning light, but now, in a darkening, rain driven October sky, it's giving me a headache.

It's 6:30 PM.

I've been sitting in the cold fall rain (sans umbrella) for the past hour and a half. And as the carillon falls silent, this sobering thought enters my mind: I've been stood up.

Followed immediately by this whiny, toddlerish thought: Five more minutes!

Followed by a sneeze.

When five minutes pass with neither hide nor hair of Sasuke-kun, my adult brain confirms: No really. I've been stood up. Followed predictably by my younger, hopeful id screaming, "just waiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!"" and I'm internally about to sock the heck out of it when I hear tires literally _screeching_ as a black sports car hydroplanes through the KPA main gate going about 40 miles per hour.

I have never been so happy to almost see a car wreck in my entire life.

Sasuke-kun throws the car into park and jumps out of the driver's seat, struggling to open a large black umbrella that has accidentally sproinged into life in the passenger's seat. Even from my position up the hill, I can hear the curses he's mumbling at the blasted thing. While he uncharacteristically frets, let's take a second out, shall we? I present to you Exhibit _Best _(umm…you didn't expect me to reduce the father of my unborn children to _a letter_, did you?)

1) Devil-may-care stance: one hip cocked out, arms crossed, staring down that aquiline nose at a world that is _so_ boring? _krccha krrcha krrcha._ _Come onnnn!_ Yeah. It's really hard to do that when you're in the midst of battle with Umbrella-san, who is apparently a worthy adversary. So, no.

2)Impenetrable eyes that only communicate total ennui with his surroundings? Hmm…Try "knotted in fury", at the moment.

3)Incredibly ice-cold personality, the kind that barely raises an eyebrow at the coming of the apocalypse? _damnfuckingretartedumbrella!_ Umm…usually.

4) That disarming and charming half-smirk plastered across his face-Well, not currently….he looks more like….really, really pissed. Er…

5) Surrounded by a blathering mess of about 20 girls, fawning for his attention while he tries his best to ignore them? Nope. Just him. That's _weird_. maybe they're hiding in the bushes with Naruto's posse?

He finally extracts the offending parasol from the cab of his car and turns his full exasperated attention on me. And I formally present to you, ladies and gents, _The Sparkle King_, whose very essences is that dangerous combination of teenage angst and disrespect for authority hidden beneath a thin veneer of calm: James Dean incarnate, Prince Charming, Mr. Darcy, Sex God Extrordinaire, (enter concert of violins) Mr. Sasuke Uchiha, KPA's own shining example of the **Rebel Without A Cause Type**.

Despite his name, and his usually tight grip on his facial expressions (you know the one he always wears, where it looks like the words, "lame…" are constantly about to grace his lips? Yeah. That one.), he's currently bounding towards me in a display of worry he only shows if he's been completely startled into it.

"Are you an IDIOT? ONE THING to remember!" he lengthens his stride and huffs towards me, shaking his own offending black umbrella for emphasis.

"Probably." I concede, because after all, I'm the girl who's been waiting for this angry git for the past hour and a half outside, in the rain. And did I mention that I'm really starting to feel a bit funny? I sneeze again.

He scrambles up the rain soaked-hill towards my perch under this ridiculous little tree, almost losing his footing on a particularly muddy patch of grass. Something softer colors his usually harsh voice as he asks me, "can you stand?"

Pffft. Of _course_ I can stand. What is he talking about, anyway? I jet up from my knees and have every intention of shouting a hearty "huzzah!" at him, but -WHOMP- tunnel vision hits me _hard_ and I almost have to sit back down again.

"Uggghhhh." I manage to muster while holding my head. I close my eyes, because I think it's the tunnel vision making me nauseous and faint, but the loss of a focal point seems to be making the nausea worse. There's a strong presence near me now, and I can hear the rain pitter-pattering off the umbrella that's been placed over my head.

"Sakura…" He breathes, and my eyes flutter open. His face swims into focus. From his position on the steep hill just below me, we're about even in height. I try, _try_ to stop my head from spinning and wonder, almost aloud, when on earth he got this tall. "Are you sick?"

"No. I'm fine." I lie. lie. lie. lie. lie. What else am I supposed to say? 'Yep, Sassy-chan, sick as a dog. Please move to the left so that I can commence projectile vomiting'? Hell, no! I have not risked my good health for that shiz.

He eyes me half-heartedly and gives me a small "hnn-". I notice, through my fuzzy, nauseous state that we're incredibly _close_ to one another, closer than we've been in recent memory….I mean, sure, I may have almost all my classes with Mr. Sparkle King, but he does a regretfully good job of staying at least two arm's length from everyone around him, unless Naruto surprises him and glomps him in the hallway or something… Currently, however, his lips are no more than 6 inches from mine. I can smell his familiar heady scent of cedar and peppermints and, in my present condition, it's elevating the state of my head from a fairly brisk spin to a total loss of control.

I shiver, half out of the thrill of being so close to him, and half because I'm pretty sure I'm catching pneumonia over here. Again, I sneeze. Dammit. Surprisingly, he leans in a bit closer. "You look _terrible."_ He moves his hand up to sweep my hair from my face and places his palm against my forehead. STOP the PRESSES. Sasuke-kun is _voluntarily_ touching me! The world pulses in my head. Every single sappy movie marathon that I've ever had with Lady Piggo is now catching up to me as flashes of kisses in the rain from Audrey Hepburn films play in slow motion before my eyes-

_AND SUDDENLY-_

My fevered brain loses its every last grip on reality.

**Have you ever heard people talk about experiencing a really traumatic event in their lives, like a train wreck or a terrible American Idol performance, and they feel as if they were watching it all from above? Well, welcome to the current state of my boiled brain. I feel like the rational me has been expelled from my own head and hoisted up, silent and flailing, ten feet in the air.**

**And what a damn horrible time to be having a bloody Out of Body Experience.**

**Because down there, Sakura Haruno, a.k.a. **_**me**_**, is shifting her weight closer to the concerned Sparkle King, father of her unborn children, a.k.a. Sasuke-kun, who still has his hand on her forehead (awww!), but is looking like he regrets it a bit (awww…..). The idiot me is now flush against him and it's getting a little crowded under that umbrella…like there's too many elbows flapping about or something.**

_She (I? ME.) tilts her face upwards towards him and murmurs, "Now, now, don't tell the girl you want to kiss that she looks terrible or she won't kiss you back."_

**Oh. My. ASFDKJH. Stop it, me! What are you doing down there?**

_Sasuke-kun yanks his hand back from her (my…..) forehead like he's just realized that he's been touching a hot plate. A crazy, crazy hot plate. "I- I don't want to kiss you!" He stutters, stumbling backwards about a foot down the hill._

* * *

If feverish Sakura hadn't been so feverish and horny, and if Out of Body Experience Sakura hadn't been spazzing all over the place, one of them might have noticed that Sasuke Uchiha's face had turned bright red in the first full-on Uchiha blush the world had seen since Sasuke Uchiha was 9 and his mother gave him the sex talk. But some people, Sakura Haruno included, can't see love even six inches from their delirious faces. Neither saw. The saga continues.

* * *

_On the ground, feverish Sakura is undeterred by Sasuke-kun's clear rebuke. She closes the distance between the two of them again. "I know you do. You've wanted to kiss me for years."_

**NO HE HASN'T! STOP IT, YOU CRAZY GIRL! AT THIS RATE, SASUKE-KUN WILL NEVER TALK TO US AGAIN!**

_Sasuke-kun looks frozen in terror (or maybe anger?) as she bats her eyelashes at him. His mouth is doing that open-close-open-close thing like a fish suddenly hoisted from the water and slapped on dry land._

_She sneezes. He seems to regain his powers of speech._

_"You're delirious." Sasuke-kun pronounces staring down her nose at her (us?). He narrows his eyes._

_"I-I'm not." She wipes her nose on her sleeve and he huffs._

_She sneezes again, ands Sasuke-kun says, "see?". I think for a minute the girl has come back to her (my) senses, but she seems to shake reality off as her eyes glaze over again._

_"I'm not, really. I'm just tired of waiting for you to man up," here she pokes his chest, "and finally do what you've been wanting to do all these years." She (I-) pouts (omygodI'mpoutingatSasuke-kun! Stopthat!) and fingers the stitching on Sasuke-kun's trenchcoat collar._

* * *

In an unprecedented show of Uchiha emotion, Sasuke Uchiha's face colors with an unmistakeable blush for the second time in the same day. Statistically, the probability of this double-sighting occurring is approximately 1,458,498,320 to 1, the relative probability of a meerkat being the next Premier of the People's Republic of China. However, if you thought that the rarity of the event would have prompted a reaction in either part of Sakura Haruno's divided brain, you would be wrong (the probability for that occurrence is, in fact, even higher). So, we shall return to watch the oblivious girl and the oblivious boy on their bumbling adventure.

* * *

F_evered Sakura Haruno must be really pissing Sasuke-kun off, because after my latest pronouncement, he's reverted to sucking air again._

_She sneezes. He shakes his head lightly. The spell over Sasuke-kun's voice is broken._

_He starts slowly, as if speaking to a child. "You have a very high fever, Sakura. Come get in the car." He places one hand on her elbow and gives it a little tug-_

_But she (I'M) obviously not listening to a word he's saying because at the slight pull, she collapses against him and buries her head in the crook of his neck, laughing against his throat._

* * *

And for the THIRD time in a SINGLE DAY, a rosy hue runs rampant across Sasuke Uchiha's face. Because the probability of these three occurrences is so terribly unlikely, now thousands of alternate realities will be _forced_ into having meerkats as Premier's, butterflies will lead Othello-like victories against Turkish Fleets (of YOUTH), Esperanto will be a useful language, and pants will be worn on the arms. Still, in _none_ of these alternate realities will Sakura Haruno even _notice_. It's going to take about 60,000 more words and some serious fluff to get through to that girl...

* * *

_Sasuke-kun's bangs have fallen in his face, and from this height, I can't see the expression plastered across his face. Given the state of fevered-Sakura's current position pressed flush against him, I imagine his eyes are flashing something like stonefaced fury and indignation at being touched so familiarly._

_"I'm waiting…" Feverish Sakura tilts her face upwards in her best impression of every silver screen starlet she's ever seen, placing one palm flat against Sasuke-kun's chest. The other hand moves back to his collar. "Are you going to kiss me or not?"_

**SHUT UP DOWN THERE, IDIOT SELF. WE ARE MAKING THIS WORSE**!

_I'm still unable to see his face. I imagine he's wanting to push me roughly to the ground, hop in his car, and drive far, far, far away from me, but in a show of incredible temper control, he merely stutters, "S-sakura-"_

_A little snort comes from on-the-ground Sakura. "Stuttering will get you nowhere." She brusquely gives a childish tug on his trench coat collar. His face falls forward. Sweet, little, unassuming, TOTALLY DELIRIOUS Sakura Haruno goes in for the kill._

**It's like watching one of those automated car crashes with the test dummies whiplashing back and forth, glass breaking, tires screeching, as the robotic car attempts to throw on the brakes, but it's too little too late. The test dummy family and their test dummy children go flailing into the brick wall. And all I can do is watch from above, mouth agape, in pure, shameful embarrassment.**

**RUN SASUKE RUN! WHY ISN'T HE RUNNING?  
**

T-minus 4 inches from lip contact.

_He gasps._

**STOP IT RIGHT NOW SAKURA.**

T-minus 3 inches.

_His eyebrows shoot up in disbelief._

**DO ****NOT**** KISS-RAPE SASUKE-KUN.**

T-minus 2 inches.

_His left had flies up, drops the umbrella._

**ARE YOU LISTENING, YOUNG LADY?**

T-minus 1 inch.

_Her hand rakes through his hair-and-_

**OH FUUUUU-**

WHOOOOOOOOMP.

The two halves of my brian careen together and, oh _jeez, _I'm hit without he worst bout and tunnel vision I've ever had in my life. Just before I lose consciousness I feel a _CRRRACK_, hard, against my forehead. Then I'm falling downdowndowndown.

The last sound I hear is a _sssss_ noise, like someone in a great deal of pain breathing through their teeth, followed by Sasuke-kun's aristocratic drawl, "What the-

The world goes black.

* * *

"-the _hell_?"

he tried to blink the stars out of his eyes and steady himself, simultaneously holding the unconscious pink-haired girl to his chest while gingerly testing the damage done to his cheekbone.

There wasn't blood. At least she had broken the skin with that forehead of hers. He could start to feel a wicked bruise creep across the side of his face, though.

He chucked, despite himself, because this predicament was absolutely ridiculous and yet so _her. _Out of all the girls in all the countries in the world, _only_ Sakura Haruno could attempt to kiss you and wind up giving you abloody black eye_._

* * *

A/N: I think I get too much joy out of embarassing poor, dear sakura around every corner...eheheehe.

also, PRESS THE BUTTON...please! R+R for ch. 3 wherein there will be more embarassment (and fluff) for the poor pink princess (_and_ the telling tale of what the Ice King actually wanted to ask her-prior to her passing-out experience)

lovelovelove Scylla (who loveslovesloves sasusaku)


End file.
